Introduction

I wish to remain anonymous at this point. I may or may not reveal my identity in the future, but for now, I have two children, a husband and a still healing heart to protect.

What I will reveal, I am a woman in my early 40's, an only child, once divorced....almost twice...but have repaired that relationship. You will get mad for me and at me at times because of what I allowed to happen to me. Anyone who has lived under the tyranny of a person who is a Narcissist will most likely empathize, but I am doing this to get it off of my chest.
 
I no longer live with my Mother and my co-dependent Father, I am safe, I am growing strong.....I thank a small handful of people for helping me with this, even if one was the cause of great strife and heartache in the past few years. As painful as it was, I was able to put my foot down and stand up for myself. *Forewarning* If you are freshly out of an abusive relationship expect to revert back to being a two year old who has discovered the power of the word NO. You will become drunk with the power of this simple two letter word. You WILL overuse it at first...expect that. For years, you have been trained and groomed to bow to the whims of another....that leaks into the rest of your life and you become a people pleaser. Personally, my Mother always volunteered me for things that would make her look better....including, but not limited to....babysitting, helping clean other people's homes, cooking for others, caring for others animals, creating art pieces for her friends....as long as I showed any type of talent, she would volunteer it at her will to improve her "status". I have never understood the need for grandiosity, and I am grateful for that. I tried to empathize the fact that her Mother was a complete, evil bitch and maybe she had a hard time getting over that. As an adult looking back, I realize, you have to grow past it at some point...especially if you have a child.

I was born on the East Coast, grew up on the West Coast. When I was in my early 20's, I met and married a "boy" in a VERY short period of time....of course I thought I loved him....I was looking for an escape from her. I was planning on a quickie wedding chapel ceremony, but of course, my mother had to plan this whole wedding....that I didn't want. But, if I were to gripe about it...."well, I'm going to school AND planning my only Daughter's wedding. I will not be denied!!" It was not my wedding, it was hers. I also got a rash of shit because she didn't get to co walk me down the aisle...and my Father didn't give her enough credit in the toast...and she didn't get to pick the Honeymoon spot...and I didn't have a special dance just for her. The list could go on for days or weeks about what a horrible daughter I am. The marriage was a mistake, for the most part, I did get a beautiful human being born out of it. I will also cover how I married my Mother and how I went from the frying pan, into the fire and then into a fucking broiler....not sorry, I curse, like...a lot. That was another thing my Mother tried to shame me out of...."It's not ladylike." I.DON'T.GIVE.A.FLYING.FUCK!!! I will explain at a later date about the tattoos I got that made my Mother disown me for the thousandth time and then how she faked a heart attack when she realized she was in the wrong. Typical tactic of the NPD, if nothing else is working, feign illness.....clearly, you're not responsible for being a horrible person if you're sick. My Mother has been "sick" since I was less that two years of age. My first memory of her is being in a hospital parking lot with my Father and her waving from the room in a flowing aqua colored gown.

I think this is a good stopping point for my first post. There will be more stories...I will own my part of each story as I see it...not trying to impart a perfect image of myself as I am human, and I grew up in home where I was frequently thrown under the bus because my Father was spineless to a raging Narcissist.

This is for my own catharsis, but if it helps even a single person, I am glad I typed these words. Thank you....here we go.