I have finally gone no contact as of March and I am using my name now. No more hiding, no more protecting anyone anymore. So, let's catch up shall we?
When I last left you, I made a correct prediction.....ta da, it's a fucking miracle, no surgery was needed! So, when that didn't work and get the reaction she expected, she pulled out the emphysema card. She tried to gear up the water works and references to my Grandfather who suffered from the disease as well. She was upset, when again, I didn't react the way she expected me to. I just didn't have the energy to come to her "deathbed" performance yet again. You smoke for 50 years and that shit is bound to happen, the only thing that surprised me was that she still had 60% breathing capacity....(she did NOT appreciate my being flippant about that). Regardless, it was followed by the usual guilt trips so I got off the phone.
My youngest child's Birthday was next and one of my Uncle's was gravely ill at the time. I hadn't spoken to him in many years because my NMom got into a fight with his wife. NMom has always tried to get me to favor my older child over my younger, accusing me constantly of favoring the younger....completely false. They are a good number of years apart so OF COURSE they are treated differently because they are in different stages of their life and a 10 year old does not require the same amount of attention as an infant. So, I didn't go out of my way this time to remind any of them about his Birthday. I knew what was going to happen, they would only call to wish him a Happy Birthday after I had posted the picture of his presents online.....(I was proud of the theme, otherwise, I probably wouldn't have posted it.) Half an hour before his bedtime, and my EDad called.....SHOCK. So it was then that I told them about the Party the next day and the address.....guess who wasn't surprised that they didn't show up.....or call....or text to say they couldn't make it. That evening, after the party was over, I heard from one of my cousin's that my Uncle had just passed. I was heartbroken, thought maybe he would pull through. I never got to say goodbye. When I talked to EDad the next day, he apologized for them no coming and get this.....blamed it on my Uncle's passing. I'm sure that was the story he was given to say, unforgivable nonetheless. Another straw on the camel's back.
That episode led me to my decision about Christmas. Every year, my Husband's family has a gathering at one of their houses, and we usually rotate every year. NMom decided long ago that she has issue with my Mother-in-law and her Sister (Aunt-in-law), so they never show for any of the holiday get together's then proceed to guilt me for not spending it with them. Sorry, it's easier for everyone to gather in one place and if you can't manage to get along with people a few days out of the year, that's YOUR fucking problem. Grow up already. As it was, we skipped the Christmas before last just to appease her. They usually spend Christmas Eve with us and then it's a rush to open presents, cook everyone breakfast AND get ready while she's asking me a millions questions or getting in my way. So, this past Xmas, I decided it was just going to be us as a family and if they wanted to spend it with us, they always had an open invitation to the family party. I had sent her the text and she ignored it. Just before Thanksgiving I texted my EDad to make sure they understood that I would not be hosting anyone. He seemed to understand, she did not speak to me for weeks.....it was bliss. I enjoyed watching my kids open their presents, made breakfast and got ready with time to spare......I was also very relaxed.
The final straw. Got a call from another cousin that my NGrandmother had a massive stroke and was on life support and he wasn't able to get a hold of my parents or NAunt (she and her husband live with them). They needed her daughters to sign papers to take her off life support since she was brain dead. I hadn't spoken to NG in 18yrs and will post some of the reasons why in another post. So, got a hold of EDad. Left a message and he called me back....conversation went fine, it was a nice talk. Had sent NMom a text and she was very short in her responses a few hours later. A few days later, I text EDad to see if he wants to go to lunch again the next week as the youngest would be on Spring Break and the Oldest works evening shifts....he never responded. Cue March 25, one of my Aunts told me that morning that NG passed the night before. I sent my condolences, especially to my cousin that still tried to maintain a relationship with NG, I knew she would be upset. I got a phone call from NMom about 15 mins before I was leaving to get the youngest from school, let it go to voicemail and then called her from the road. Figured it would be a long enough time, but finite. Offered my condolences, listened to the usual rewriting of history of how NMom protected me from NG....total bullshit, but whatever, she would never see herself as less than a hero and completely gloss over my corrections. Didn't take too long for the guilt tripping to start after she got NG's death out of the way. She was hurt that we didn't invite her to something she would have never come to, but my in-laws were there, so of course it was seen as a slight. Blah, blah, you never call me, blah, blah, you never visit, blah, blah, why do you always invite EDad to lunch.......hold up, WHAT? So, he still hadn't responded to me, but he told her?? WHAT THE FUCK? Since when is asking my Father to lunch a bad thing or something I need to explain to her? And why did it feel like I got snitched on? The only reason I put up with her after the tattoo incident of '05 was because of him......and he had just betrayed me. Of course I vague booked about it, but when she liked the post, that was the straw that broke the camels back. I immediately unfriended all of them, then thought about it and blocked them all too.
It's been a peaceful few months, save for the panic attacks because of all the suppressed memories and feelings that have made their way to the surface. My NAunt texted and my EDad called my husband for his Birthday, but I have not heard a peep from any of them. My anger, anxiety and self loathing is dissipating. I have also found a drink mix that helps me A LOT....http://www.zarbees.com/product/calming-blend Not being paid to advertise that, I happened to pick it up on clearance one day in Target and have noticed a definite change in myself. The panic attacks rarely happen when I take this.
More updates/stories soon :)
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