My Miscarriage

This happened approximately six years ago. I was four months pregnant and while vacuuming, I started feeling a little pain so I made an appointment for the next day to go to the Dr. I got my oldest son to school and loaded up my younger son (3 at the time) and headed over to my appointment. They checked for a fetal heartbeat and didn't find one, I was scared. They decided to do an ultrasound....as soon as I stepped foot over the threshold I felt a gush like my water had just broke. The nurse said she would watch my son while I went to the restroom. I was hemorrhaging badly...came back in tears and told the nurse, they got me into another room and called in the Dr. He confirmed I lost my daughter and at this point I was drifting in and out of consciousness. They called my husband, loaded my child and I into an ambulance, with the nurse who kindly stayed with my little boy until my husband arrived. It was a traumatic day for all of us.

Cue my NMom's arrival, thankfully I didn't have to see her until I got home, and she was already giving me grief about not being trusted to watch my younger child...Edad brought him home and stayed until my husband came home. She also told me she threw away my sonogram pictures...the ONLY ones I had of our daughter...so I wouldn't have to be reminded. My husband was furious, as was I, but turns out she lied. Who the fuck thinks that's okay to say to a grieving mother while she's in the hospital? So, she decided to stay a few days to "help me out". She had Edad run over a pot of beef Stew she had made so no one would have to cook, which I thought was nice but,....it was burnt. Literally tasted like someone dumped an ashtray in it. I wound up running her all over the place to go shopping 2 days after coming back home. I was exhausted and bleeding like a stuck pig (sorry for TMI). My Edad called my phone and I went to another aisle to beg him to take her home because I needed to rest and she had me out all day. I still didn't have the balls to tell her myself. He convinced her to come home and I was able to start healing. I wasn't able to fully break down in front of her because she loved to see me cry...that's her go to supply and would often try to poke me until I cried. When she went home that night, my husband and I were finally able to grieve.

I am able to talk about it now, but have never forgiven her....was also mad at myself for putting up with that. I could have wound back up in the hospital, it was stupid and dangerous to be walking around all day after losing that much blood and having a medical procedure two days prior. So many things we do and put up with just to not rock the boat and upset them.